This is the third installment of my own little biography.
For parts one and two, please see my Jan. and Dec. blog entries.
The Teen Age Years
My childhood years quickly and violently crashed into my teen age years. Even though I had determined that I would not enter into the same drug world as my siblings had, anger toward life helped usher me into it anyway. We've all heard those type of stories so I need not elaborate. Instead I'll try to focus on the spiritual impressions I had through my teen years.
When I was 12, my brother began seeing a girl who had been raised by Christian parents. My brother eventually married the girl and she planted many seeds of light in my life. I think she was the only person who had ever really showed me any love and that made a huge impression on me! Dear readers, never underestimate the power of love! I remember one time I ended up on her door step crying in the middle of the night and and she held me and told me that Jesus loved me and that I needed Him. She also was the person who eventually introduced me to my future husband, who also made a big spiritual impression upon my life.
Fast forward to age 16: My mom and I had watched the movie, Jesus Of Nazareth, on TV. When it was over, I looked at my mom and said, “I don’t get it.” “What do you mean?” she asked. “Well,” said I, “did He die or didn’t He?!” “Good grief, Holly!” My mother exclaimed. “Don’t you know that’s what Christianity is all about? Christians believe that Jesus rose from the dead!” "Oh" (Shrug) How was I supposed to know? I had heard "Jesus loves you." I think I had even heard that Jesus died for my sins. But I didn’t have a clue what that meant. Well, now I had heard that Christians believed that Jesus was really alive and not dead on a cross. Oh... Okay. It didn't mean much to me at the time but I think the knowledge of the resurection really set my spiritual longing in gear.
From about age 16 to 18, I really felt the Lord calling me. I didn't really know what that meant but I thought it might mean that I would “have” to be a Christian. In my mind, being a Christian meant quitting my party life style that I had already unsuccessfully tried to quit, so as you can imagine, I felt pretty hopeless! I was already living in hopelessness, fear, hatred, darkness, anger, lust- Yuk! What misery! I was a thief, a liar, a drunkard, a drug dealer and a very promiscuous young woman. I often was homeless, in bad relationships and barely eating enough to stay alive. I would walk the streets at all hours of the night- drunk, stoned and crying. I knew that there had to be a better way to live and more than anything, I longed for someone to really love me!
Decisions
The closer I came to adulthood, the more I looked seriously at the meaning of life. I found the topic of UfOs and world religions interesting but I remember telling a friend, “I believe in Adam and eve and Jesus and all that stuff." This tiny shimmer of belief kept me from going down the path of witch craft and other religions which were offered to me on every hand. For my 16th birthday, my brother had given me some kind of Eastern Religious book because he was so concerned with the way I was living. I clearly remember that I knew that book wasn’t the answer I was looking for. Somehow, I knew that Jesus was the Truth. How that all pertained to me or what that could mean for me, was not clear.
Many of my friends were trying to figure out what they were going to “do with their lives”. The pressure was on to decide, so I was trying to decide too. I was faced with few choices but here they are.#1. Join the Peace Corps
#2. Join the Armed forces
#3 Move to California and work on a marijuana plantation.
(Don't laugh)
(Well, okay, you can laugh.)
None of these choices were too appealing to me but I was barely scraping by on the wages of a ski resort maid so I felt like I had to DO something. Little did I know what huge changes were ahead of me!
To be continued...
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